THE AIR AFTER PAIN

“Live for the air after pain and there will be no reason to run.”

~ Anonymous

Hippocrates said that pleasure is the absence of pain. Anyone who has ever suffered knows this is a deep truth. When I fell into the gauntlet of tests that awaited after the pronouncement that I had cancer, I was terrified of being in pain. I introduced myself to every physician and nurse as Mark-put me out-Nepo. But with every procedure, there was some medical reason why I had to be awake. I came to realize that there was nowhere to run.

Once I accepted this, which took some time, I understood that what was most terrifying about my pain was the prospect that it would never end, that life would somehow freeze in whatever moment of discomfort I came upon. The terror gained its power from not being able to imagine life beyond the pain.

The breakthrough moment for me came the day I had to have yet another bone marrow sampling. For some reason, these were the worst for me. But with the appearance that day of some deeper grace, I suddenly saw it differently. I recognized that this very uncomfortable procedure lasted at most forty to fifty seconds and I was arranging my entire life and being in anticipation and avoidance of those fifty seconds.

For the first time I realized I had a choice. The pain of those seconds would be the same, but I could ground myself, including my fear, in the very real fact that my life would resume after those fifty seconds. There would be light in the air, once again, I felt my soul that I was larger than my pain. This empowered me.

So many times, in our despair, we see our pain as something that will never end. In fact, this often defines our moments of despair: when we believe that our pain contains the rest of us. In contrast, there is this sense of peace to work toward: the belief that our life contains our pain.

~ Center yourself and focus on a physical or emotional pain that is with you.

~ As you inhale, bring in all that is larger than your pain.

~ As you exhale, release the pain into the larger air that is pain-free.

~ As you repeat this, focus on the moments that are pain-free, and invite them to expand.

The Book of Awakening

~ Mark Nepo