APOLOGIES

Sometimes, we buy into the mistaken notion that apologies fix everything. They do not. Just as broken bones never heal up quite right, once a relationship has been damaged by dishonesty, violence or abuse, it can never be completely repaired no matter how many apologies you offer.

A personal attack is like a nail that you drive deeply into wood with a hammer. The intent for doing so is to puncture, to pierce. Later on, as tempers cool down and calmness prevails, you may regret having hammered the nail. You apologize and try to make amends. This is like pulling out the nail, to somehow undo the puncturing and piercing.

Does it work? The unfortunate truth is that after you pull out the nail, the hole it made does not disappear. It remains in place as a testimonial to what has taken place. The only way to not have such an ugly wound is to not hammer the nail in the first place.

The Tao Today

This is why Tao cultivators are cautious about being critical or combative. Damages to a personal relationship can be extremely difficult, perhaps impossible, to undo. Save yourself the trouble by not damaging anything. Keep your mind open and will see that it is always possible to solve your problems without hammering any nails.

The Tao of Joy Every Day

~ Derek Lin