THE DESIRE TO CONTROL

Tao sages often point out that we have total control over ourselves and zero control over others. Although this seems simple and self-evident, we still see many people who act as if they are the exceptions to the rule. They go to great lengths to impose themselves upon someone else’s business, and it invariably ends badly, with poor results and damaged relationships.

The best cultivators of the Tao, like the sages, have no interest in controlling, manipulating or interfering with anyone other than themselves. They provide discipline where it is appropriate, such as children, students, employees and so on. Outside of that, they are content to simply let people be. We should emulate their wisdom and recognize that the desire the control is a great source of conflict. Letting it go is one of the most liberating things we can do for ourselves.

The Tao Today

You can build better relationships with people simply by letting go of the need to control and manipulate them. In time, they will come to trust you knowing you will make no attempt to force your will on them. They begin to listen to you, so that you gradually gain great influence over them, in spite of (and because of) your complete disinterest in having that influence in the first place.

The Tao of Joy Every Day

~ Derek Lin