BENEATH FALSE HOPE

“We need to stay current with each other.”

~ Angeles Arrien

It has taken a lifetime to understand how easily I can secretly wish for things to change, and in my secrecy prevent true change from happening. For example, I loved a friend for many years who was unable to listen or be kind or patient, and rather than feeling just how much that hurt, I always “hung in there,” secretly believing that he would change and grow and one day emerge before my eyes as the friend I always believed he could be.

Well, that didn’t happen. I am not saying that change is not possible, but more deeply, that true change is not possible, but more deeply, that trued change, the kind that is self-initiated and lasting, has more chance of happening in a relationship that doesn’t hide it’s shortcomings.

As long as I could dream of my friend as I wanted him to be, it softened the true pain of how we were actually living. Without such truth, neither of us could grow - not he, for having to face the effects of his self-centeredness, and not me, for having to risk saying what I needed.

~ Center yourself and meditate on the actual truth of a significant relationship.

~ Breathe deeply and try to relax the hope of your loved one transformed.

~ Breathe steadily and feel the full humanity of your loved one, thorns and all.

~ Accept what arises. Honor what you need.

The Book of Awakening

~ Mark Nepo