UNDERSTANDING

As human beings, we all have a deep-seated need to be understood. We long for others to know our thoughts and feelings. If we find ourselves in a difficult situation, just being understood gives us the strength to tolerate hardship and take on challenges.

This longing can become unbalanced. It can be so strong that we focus on it to the exclusion of everything else. When that happens, your conversation with someone else becomes a monologue in your mind. You nod politely as the other person speaks, pretending to listen while thinking of the next thing to say.

We do this so much that we forget that others have the same longing to be understood as we do. With everyone so desperate to say something, no one listens to anyone else. The result is an overabundance of self-expression and a severe shortage of mutual understanding.

The Tao Today

Balance your interactions with others by transforming your need to be understood into a need to understand. Listen to the other person without trying to guide the conversation to your favorite topics. If you lose your train of thought, it is quite all right. Simply remain quiet and let them continue. This gift of understanding from you to them will be appreciated, thus enabling you to build better relationships.

The Tao of Joy Every Day

~ Derek Lin