THE SHOULDS

Think about the angriest people you know. Notice how often they use the word “should,” as in “You should know better,” or “I never should have trusted them,” or “They should just leave us alone” and so on. They carry around so much “should,” it is no wonder they are unhappy.

This type of anger is a great expenditure of energy for no particularly useful end. It is also the antithesis of the Tao, because railing against the way things are is a harmful attachment. It damages oneself and one’s relationships, because no one wants to be around a raging maniac who is constantly hurling “Should” at others.

Instead of clinging to a fantasy world of what should be, accept reality for what it already is. Take note of the goodness that is present everywhere. Look at your favorite things in life; look at the beauty of nature; look at the people close to you; look at the smile of a friendly stranger. There are so many things that are already perfect . . . just the way they are.

The Tao Today

Do you also use the word “should” in an angry context? Was the bus, train or plane not on time like it should be? Did someone not take out the trash but should have? Observe how quickly you can work yourself into a foul mood. Then, consciously shift away from it and embrace the realization that everything is exactly as it should be, and there is a lot you should be grateful for. Transform the “should” of anger into the “should” of appreciation.

The Tao of Joy Every Day

~ Derek Lin